"Dr. Nono, do you know this one? - S.N.A.F.U."
"Ehh.. no I don't know this one."

I'm teaching again in a smokey office in Konan City. Legs crossed, I am eating rice cakes as Dr Nono sips a carton of Lipton muscat tea through a straw.

"S - situation; N - normal; A - all; F - fucked; U - up. It comes from World War 2, American soldiers used it to mean total and complete confusion or big problem, when there should be none."
"Ah, so-nanda, for example, when there is the major attack on the base."
"Yes."
Suddenly, I cant help but think of Pearl Harbor - actually - and I can't help but wonder if He is thinking of Pearl Harbor, not that I would even care. But for some reason..
"It is not in my erectronic dictionary. Does this word exist?"
"Yes, it is quite common."
"Mmm."

--

He looks at me, Dr. Nono, through designer glasses flecked with what I imagine is dried spittle or plaster from work at his dental office. Behind him hang several original Warhols, a photo of Liv Tyler, a photo of his 81 Ferrari, and a desk clock which I love.
"How much is that thing Dr., I love it."
"Ah, cheap. 30,000 or something like that. I got it in Tokyo."
"Damn, 30000 yen? (one yen roughly equals one cent US)"
"Nonono, dollars, dollars."
"30 - what?!"
There is a cup of coffee sitting on top of it.

--

"Cem-sensai. I need your herlp tonight."
"I'm sorry?"
"I need you to do a translate for me."
"Dr., I can barely order food."
"No probrem, really. Please."
Dr. Nono begins opening a box.
"I got this frlom internet and -"
He begins pulling something out of the box
"I don't understand him."
Moments later, I am staring at a 2 foot Bart Simpson doll.
"He says 'Eat my shorts.'"
"Oh holy shit."
"A whore shit?"
"This is hard to explain Dr."
Dr. Nono pulls the string coming out of Bart's back.
"Bzzzptt - -ont have a cow man!"

"What does this mean, don't have a cow?"
"Hahaaa.. Its .. its.."

I stayed an extra 45 minutes.


--


"Aha. So I would never be leave from my hotel if I was in Moscow."
"OK doctor, what do you mean"
"My friend say if you arrive in the room, from the first minute you come, you get phone calls from Russian women who call and ask you if you would like to enjoy facking, and they come to your room to enjoy facking. So, you enjoy all night, and then maybe you go downstairs for eating. Then you make .. eh contact with the eyes-"
"Eye contact Dr."
"Yes, and then you enjoy facking another woman once again."
"Holy shit. Dr. Have you ever beeen to Moscow?"
"No."
"Huh."
"My friend said that the Russian women enjoy facking, they love facking, but unfortunately they are very stinky."
He waves his hand in front of his nose.


--


"SNAFU? Snaff? Not the same?"
"Snaff?"
"Snaff. Uh, Nicholas Cage, 8 millimeters, did you see?"
"Yes."
"You know, like candle - snaff"
"Oh shit, yeah, snuff." I put my hands around my neck as if I am choking myself.
"I would like to see a real s-nuff movie."
"We can just look on the internet I'm sure."
"Ah, but those are not real, artifical."
"Hmm."
"Like the rape movies, not real."
"The rape movies?"
"Yes, fake. We cannot find real."
"Hmm."

Hmm. Dr. Nonogaki..