when i grow up, i want ot be a journalist!

Odyssey of Aussie sheep to end in Eritrean pots

Eritrea said that 50,000 Australian sheep that have been wandering the seas for more than two months are in good health and will eventually be cooked and eaten.

flip

typically wise egyptian insight from Mohammed #12 the horny boab(building caretaker); a plan is hatched

M12THB:"you know, i love jabanese women"
c:"yeah.. . they are beautiful."
M12THB:"'zey is very clean (he makes a sweeping motion over his crotch with a dirty hand) and zey is very polite. HELWA!(sweet)"
c:"yeah, i knew this kinda japanese girl at home. she was beautiful. polite and clean too. i ne-"
M12THB:"zey is so easy. just one hour you talk, and zey fucks you."
c:"really?"
M12THB:"yes, you ask zem if zey want ze tea, if you say yes, and you go to tea, zen (!) you get fucked. so easy."
c:"wow. tea. this ever happen to you?"
M12THB:"habben to me? no. my friend it habben to recent, he fuck zem."
c:"who?"
M12THB:"Mr.Ramadan"
c:"the fat asshole on floor 3?"
M12THB:"haha, yes. fat one. he take Korean woman to a beer and zen he fuck her."
c:"what? Korean is not Jap- ... anyways - when?"
M12THB:"2 day ago"
c:"Mr Ramadan fucked a Korean woman over beer - DURING RAMADAN?"
M12THB:"you know it so easy. zey like the egyptian men, it because the jabanese men - zey have weak sex."
c:"weak sex? what is weak sex?"
M12THB:"zey don't like sex. zey very shy, afraid."
c:"what? you have no idea what you are talking about."
M12THB:"NO - NO - no, is true man!"
c:"you are a fucking elevator man in Cairo, and you are telling me japanese men dont like sex and are afraid and weak. that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard."
M12THB:"LOOK ZE MAN LISTEN-"
c:"NO YOU LOOK- OK- (yelling, argueing, and getting emotional [read:irrational] is apparently part of normal egyptian conversation, so this was friendly) did you ever hear about World War II? do you know what a samurai is? do you have any idea what tentacle porn looks like?"
M12THB:"LOOK OK LOOK - zey are weak, and so shy. zey always quiet, zey always afraid."
c:"whats the arabic word for "culture"?"
M12THB:"for what?"
c:"look- im going to be late. i have to leave."
M12THB:"zer are jabanese women in your hotel, yes?"
c:"i think."
M12THB:"later i can come to visit, maybe we can-"
c:"no man, no."
M12THB:"please man."
c:"no."
M12THB:"man, you so lucky you can have sex, here we cant i want only to have sex, but they wont let me into hotel."
c:"what the - ok mohammed, goodbye."
M12THB:"well - i will will wait for them to come down, and then - maybe tea!"
c:"brilliant."
M12THB:"what?"
c:"nothing."

i learned something exciting and new last night, in the best place to learn exciting and new things - a 3rd world taxi.

c:"peace be upon you, take me to Zamalak please"
Taxi Shiekh:"yes, Zamalak, god willing"
c:"..."
ts:"god willing - happy Ramadan!"
c:".. .."
ts:"uh.. .are you muslim? do you know about ramadan?"
c:"well, my father was a muslim, my mother was a christian."
-oh fuck-
ts: "ah - you are muslim!"
c: "well, no."
ts: "no, your father is muslim - you are muslim"
c: "im sorry, no"
ts:"what? impossible - you are muslim!"
c:"im sorry my friend, untrue."
ts:"YOU ARE MUSLIM - FATHER MUSLIM - YOU ARE MUSLIM, PRAISE BE TO GOD."
c: "no my friend, untrue."
ts:"praise be to god.. so you are christian then, like your mother? we are all people of the book"
c:"no, i am not christian."
ts:"WHAT??"
c:"uh.. "
ts:"do you believe in god?"
c:[switch to english]"do you speak english?"
ts:"yes, i sbeaks a little, yanni. god- yanni, what about god?"
c:"uh.. "
ts:"..."
c:" uh. . .you speak good english"
ts"..yannii. .. sank-you."
c:"my arabic is terrible.."
ts:"nono, its good."
c:"thanks. shookrun giddan."
ts:"..."
c:"...so i wa-"
ts:"you know, it is good that you are learning the arabic.
c:"yeah, i like it - difficult but interesting."
ts:"nono, arabic easy. it is the first language god created. all languages come from this one, so it is easy."
c:"what?"
ts:"yes, its true! English, French, Spanish, German, Russian - all from Arabic."
c:"..what?"
ts:"you see, the word 'mother' in French - 'mama'. in arabic 'um'"
c:"huh..i ..never knew. ."(this is - of course - the most ridiculous and incorrect thing i have ever heard. but as usual, when people here are saying something 100% incorrect, he is 200% sure of it.this guy knows what hes talking about)
ts: "you see all of the world come from arabs. that is why god revealed the last prophet to us - the arabs. we, were chosen. and that is why there is so much oil under the holy cities of mecca and medina.
c:"really?"
ts:"god wants us to spread his message."
c:"that is wonderful."
ts:"you dont believe in god?"
c:"no. and, i am American."
"ts:"- ."
c:"im from Washington DC."
ts:"..."
c:".. ."
ts:"belcome to Cairo"

he turned up his sermon-on-tape.

funny but-
this conversation is in no way singular. this happens often. egyptians seem to me to be more prone to dubious truths than anyone i have ever met.. so far.

now, obviously, you cannot judge a place by its taxicab drivers.

wait - but - actually, this is completely untrue. you can.

like most of the "developing world" egypt is a place where 85 percent of the people are Fucking Poor - like the cabbie (who would actually fall in the upper end of Fucking Poor), 11 percent are Getting By, and 4 percent are Filthy Fucking RICH-RICH-RICH.

you have an upper elite, primarily centered around the wildly corrupt government and the extremely well run tourist sector. they generally ape the west and consume conspiciously and keep everything in the family, hording all the money (like the president's son, who will succeed him after his 20 years on the throne)

you have 11 percent normal people, who are just broke a lot.

then you have a ton of poor people who reject the (secular) government, can't eat enough, are ignorant as fuck because they recieved no education or they are smart as fuck but have nothing to do and cant climb the social ladder because they don't have the right connections. they are bitter about it, unsurprisingly.
they do, however, have religion.
miserable people turn to religion.
religion gives young, out-of-a-job guys something to do.
it's one very good, proven way to make yourself happy and mute poverty.

and how can i blame them for not wanting to mimic the snotty American Univerity of Cairo elites that annoy the fuck out of even me?

id take a little green book and a prayer-bruise over ill-fitting ass-pants shameless imitation and supplication to the west.

well.. i think.

love in the time of ramadan

ahmed: "egyptian women, they are so arrogant, i mean.. its sexy. they just know that they have it, this thing its so-"
cem: "this thing?"
a: "yeah, this thing, yanni (egyptians say yanni a lot. roughly, it means "you know?") that european women and american women don't have. i mean, european women - they have more money, they can dress nicer but, you know, they don't have it."
c: "let me guess-"
a: "they are virgins, yanni, noone has taken them. they are pure."
c: "and so european and american women are all sluts right?"
a: "i mean, they don't take care of themselves, they get fucked all the time, its just so easy. and yanni, they really like egyptian men."
c: "haaahahahaha . .. egyptian men? bullshit. no, the stereotype is that arab men are crude, slimy, hairy, and sex obsessed in the 'states, that they have no respect for women, along with the whole terrorist/suicide bomber thing."
a: "yanni, lets not talk abut palestine and the jews agai-"
c: "oh, hell no we wont. - so european/American women are sluts."
a: 'look, i don't think this way, i have worked with international tourists for years, i know its a diferent culture. but to the men on the street that you see bothering all of the tourist women, they think that western women will just open their legs for them. they think that all western women just like to be fucking all the time. and you know that the egyptian women won't fuck them until they are ... have marriage, so they see on the TV brittany spears and these Sexy American movies, and they think that American and European women are just sluts. and you know, sometimes this is true. australians or americans fuck these guys after only a couple of hours in the bar."
c: "so then the guys go home and tell their friends."
a: "of course. this is the main way you are going to have sex before marriage here. have sex with a european. or an ethiopian or sudanese - they all like to fuck. or in some clubs there are many russian and philipino prostitutes."
c: "wait, wait, sudanese and ethiopian - black. philipino.. philipino. russian european american - white. rest - arab. so, all non-arab women are sluts?"'
a: "like i said, egyptian women have something."
c: "oh for fuck's sake-"
a: "what?"
c: "so you can go fuck around with foreign women all you want, and you are still going to marry a puuure virgin. and all your women are virgins, huh? and you have sex with lots of western and black women, and go home and tell your friends about it. america may be a superpower but - our women are all sluts, and futhermore, you've fucked them and they like arab men. is that what you think?
a: "well, its true. america is in power, yes, yanni but there is something wrong with the culture, its true. thats why you have all this gun violence and the racism-
c: "what the - racist? violence? yes, but, welcome to everywhere in the world, especially here - egypt is racist as hell - what dud you just tell me about women?"
a: "not like america, you have so many black people getting killed, yanni, its on the news. and you have all of these rapes. we dont have theives here, no raping."
c: ".. .except for non-arabs, who can get hustled and groped on the street, and whose women are all sluts, whatever the word slut means. and you have never been to america, fool. you just see the stupid articles in the newspapers (in places like china and the arab world, where america is a rival, they have special sections devoted to chronicleing just how racist/wierd/evil/violent life in America -Really- is, just like we have articles devoted to just how Wrong their lives are)"
a: "well, in america, the women, like i said, dont take care of themselves. in muslim mostly arab - countries they do."
c: " oh! finally! is this the one thing that the arab world has to offer the rest of the world aside from oil? virgin women?"
a: "yanni, calm down. look, we like to have pure women. yeah, i mean, its a different culture, this is important to us, our religion."
c: "your religion? were you chanting the Koran when you were humping that drug-addled russian prostitute? the book fit real good between her bruised up brea-"
a: "YANNI - its ramadan, you cannot say these things, we should not even be talking like this."
c: "ok, fine, ill shut up but you are a hypocrite. and to finish - i'd way rather marry a "slut" than a virgin. i don't even understand the word slut means?!"
a: "you'd rather marry a slut?"
c: "i mean, someone who ive had sex with. a lot. maybe not a russian ex-prostitute. i mean, how can you buy a house that you want to live for the rest of your life in without having at least had a look around? inside i mean. uh, i mean.."
a: "well, id like my bride pure"
c: "pure. ok. you want to marry a virgin."
a: "of course. i mean, its so SEXY, yanni!"
c: "whats so sexy about a bleeding vagina?"
a: "what?"
c: "you know, the first time, blood and everything."
a: "yanni.. thats disgusting. its ramadan."
c: "i'm just asking why you like that so much."
a: "KHALAS (finish) YANNI!"
c: "hahahahahaaha"