oh god not now not no-

"tahib shai? tafaddil! (you like tea? please come in!)"

fuck! i have an appointment! nooooooo!!

"la, la, la asif ya sadiki ana masghuul (no, no, im sorry my friend im busy)" i said in my 4th grade arabic.

they looked at me, horrified, dumbfounded, disgusted. refuse tea? thats like shitting on grandma in the states. how could you refuse tea? how could you shit on my grandmother?

maybe thats not exactly the best cultural translation but

but, i came in for tea.
i was on the way to a meeting, but fuck, who cares? business? what? god put you in front of me and now we will have tea and share a few minutes with eachother.


as an american, the chief criticism i got from egyptians was not our recent american fondness for blowing arabs into sizzling little hunks with fancy high-tech weapons, it was our american allegiance to business and schedules. its just inhuman to them. in their eyes, what is most disturbing about America (and Japan and Germany too) is how much we fucking work, and how little focus there is on social life and friends and family. and sitting for tea.

--

third cup of tea? oh sure - i didnt have an appointment with anyone. but this is cairo! appointment? tea!

cem: "2 sugars please, praise be to god."

yes, i could feel my beard growing everytime i reflexively said "praise be to god" (il'hamdul'allah) or "god willing" (insh'allah) - words that punctuated even the simplest sentences.

i sat staring out the window, noting how in American english, the word "fuck" is the all-time most powerful word, one which can be used in endless ways and for endless twists of expression. (fuckin hell. what the fuck? aw fuck. fuck'm. FUCK ME! fuuuck me. fuck you. fuckin' jerk. fuck. fucker. jesus fucking christ! ahhh fuck - fuckin retarded fuckin sex offenders again - FUCK! ruuun! oh fuck! etc.)

in arabic, the word god (allah) seems to be the most versetile, common and powerful word.
for example-
taxi driver: "where to?(fain?)
fucking cem: "to Zamalek, God-willing (ilaZamalek, insh'allah)"
taxi driver: "praise be to God (il-Hamdulliallah)" (meaning - OK)
-cem gets into dented little black and white cab. music blaring from one 2 inch speaker, window doesnt work.-
cem: "O God! (y'allah!)"(meaning - lets go!)
taxi driver: "to Zamalik, God willing. (ilaZamalik, insh'allah)"
cem "And my God!(W'allahi!)"(meaning - OF COURSE!)
cem:"How are you O brother[in Islam]?(Izziak ya akhi)(meaning - how are you, im a muslim too, or at least pretending to be, so dont rip me off too bad)
taxi drivr: "Praise be to god(il-Hamdulli'allah)"(meaning - I'm fine, thank god.)

i was thinking about what that meant for our two societies, and the way in which the two societies were colliding.

God Vs Fuck

I guess it made a little sense. I mean, in a horribly simple way. Islam- a sexually conservative religion where women are encourgaed to cover their bodies and no sexual contact between the sexes is sanctioned before marriage (even walking down the street with someone of the opposite sex who isnt your husband or family is considered scandalous), where sexual standards on TV are very 700-club.. versus . .. versus. . Brittany Spears, string bikinis, Sex in the City, and internet porn.


(but what about "jesus-fucking-christ!"?)


--


i was staring out the window at women walking by with their beautiful headscarves wondering whether the scarves were restrictive, or liberating (according to the feminist academic crock of shit that came up notion of the "[EVIL]Male Gaze", probably liberating, though they would never admit because of the Islam-is-horrible-for-women feminist party line, or they would add a couple of clauses of other BS)(I [fucking]hate academics) when -

i realized i was still having tea with these Bedouin guys from my friend Figo/Gamel's class.

and the Bedouin guys were all smiling. all 4 of them, who had come up for 2 months to live in the flophouse directly below penthouse flophouse i was living in. the hotel was named "Pension Suisse" but there was nothing Swiss about it, aside from a badly painted red swiss cross on the door, the kind you see on Swiss army knives.

finding it important to make conversation while drinking tea, i asked the nearest guy, a long haired guy named Samir why he was in Cairo.

Samir: "To learn Italian. To fuck the Italian women."

as he said this, he made a thrusting motion. I was in the line of fire. Retaliating, I said:

"You have come to Cairo to learn Italian, to fuck the Italian women. How long are you here for?"

s: "Two months. Then back to Sharm a'Sheik.(A tourist hotspot) I teach the diving, and I like the Italian women."
mbd: "They good fuckars"
Mono-brow Dude made a similar thrusting motion.
c: "have you ever fucked one?"
mbd laughs: "Future, yes."
c:"future? insh'allah?"
s:"yes, of course. all women from europe and america, canada, australia, they fuck easy. not like egyptian women, they are diffcult, they wont even talk to you unless marriage."
c: "so western women are your only chance for sex, egyptian girls won't do it.
s:"most egyptian girls wont. it difficult. their family makes it difficult."
c: "and to you all western women are-
mbd: "-slut."
c:"slut?"


i had some more thinking to do.