Dear Doomed, Foresaken Planet:

Arnold is governer of California. There is a Chinaman on the way to space. "Pop-rocks" are still a popular snack among middle-schoolers despite their known lethality. Worst yet, I am now masquerading as a guest regional expert:

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Southeast_Asia/EJ21Ae01.html

God help us all,
Cem