so.

damn. ive really got to try and shower more. this is getting disgusting.

my pants smell like three nights out drinking, my hair is matted to my head, pushed down by a surplus store army hat that makes me look like a swarthier fidel castro. (btw - im wearing pinstripes and dutch clogs and an army poncho as well. no - i really am. where in the hell did i get this fashion sense?)

luckily my lips are very moistureized. with genuine emu oil lip balm, no less. natures best kept secret, according to the australians.

its been like this since i got here. by -this- i mean two things: filthy, or filthy and
drunk. the second day i touched down, which was a week ago, i drug my jetlagged arse into a wedding.
the wedding took place near Wallamarra, which is somewhat near Coohoonga. ..nowhere near
Woolloomooroo.

an outstanding wedding. honestly, ive never been to a wedding with a streaker. especially one where a streaker started rubbing the family cat against his balls, screaming. in front of the entire family. or one where the groom threw his wedding cake at his guests, or one where the entire drunken male wedding contingent ended up wrestling on the floor between our 10th and 11th hour of hard drinking (which was between 10 and 11 pm incidently).

the boys got fucking rowdy.

one of the groomsmen, Simon, a fully upright and respectable fellow while sober, transformed into one of the most demented and lecherous drunks i have ever encountered. not only did he just hang all over all of the attractive girls at this wedding, he made sure to grab their innerest thighs; he drunkedly fondled their breasts as if he was fingerpainting; he mumbled drunk, incomprehensible little nothings into their ears and made sure that they heard this by grabbing onto their chins when he cooed/slurred at them. he grabbed one of the groom's 50 something aunts, pulled her onto the dance floor, grabbed her massive ass with 2 full hands, and nearly picked her up by it. neither the grooms mother, nor the bride, nor the groom were spared.
your author was also handled in this manner.
your author was also handled in this manner just as what the author thought was a Kookaberra (sp?) bird was landing in the backyard where the wedding ceremony was held.
for those of us unfamiliar with the animal and plantlife of australia, a Kookaberra bird is a large bird, with a loud and unique call that sounds like a high pitched, insane human laugh. oh.. and it you toss it raw (FUCKING!) meat. this is, apparently, normal.

the streaker was another of the main groomsmen, john. the son of Australia's most emminent dermatologist, a lawyer now in the capitol city, Canaberra.