she aton.
she.. a.. ton.

' the fuck's that mean?' i said to myself, looking out the port window of the 747 as we pulled away from LAX.
a massive Sheraton Hotel sign, with a nonfunctioning "R" was flickering red off in the distance. it was the last discernable thing i saw in the states. for some fucked up reason, it was an intense moment - i was digging for meaning in it. it occurred to me that it might really be the LAST thing i would -ever- see in the united states.. . my .. er.. uhh.. mmmm my.. home..land.

(cough)

quickly, im overcome with visions of angry bearded men heating up curved knives and wires under a propane torch, turning genital-shocker dials to "very very bad", their bugged-eyed-spittle-shooting laughter, their dirty fingernails, my face smashed between two gigantic Korans, goats pissing in the background, 4x4 concrete cells, that video clip i saw on Faces of Death XXVII where the 19 year old Russian soldier is beheaded by an apparently giddy Afghan mujahideen..

'maybe this egypt thing isnt such a.. .'
'maybe i should just stay home. maybe i should just call Max up, and Max can pick me back up from LAX and i can eat In-n-Out Burger again, i'll get a Double-Double Burger "animal style", and I'll buy a Playstation 2 -- with all the Latest Games. and i'll move in, and collect mp3s that NOONE else has, yet ..'

i shook my head quickly and tried to regain the moment. the sign was getting smaller.

must. ..focus on the.. omen..
omen.. omen (i avoid use this word altogether outside of sarcasm but.. unfortunately, i recently recieved "The Alchemist" from a friend and so i.. was caught up in the book's bullshit. for those of you who havent read "The Alchemist" - its a famous little book about a little sheep herders journey, his discovery of fate, destiny, mystical connections.. other BS. touching.)

'she a ton..
she a ton.. .'

'whats that fucking mean? what kinda omen is this? will i be .. making.. love to.. a .. heavy woman? what does this have to do with my Personal fucking Legend? maybe ill be runover by a family sedan weighing exactly a ton? was this a typo in the language of the world?
..
'fuckingshepardboyfucking - fuckit.'

..

i pulled down the window cover.
stuffed my copy of the alchemist behind the duty-free catalog. it is either still there, or mystifying one of the many gay australian flight attendants while hes in a shitter.

i turned on the little TV.
there was a Creedance Clearwater Revival video on one of the music stations.

smiling at a 5 year old in the seat across from me, i put several tylenol-3 pills in my mouth.
it would be a 15 hour flight.